I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
