Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
