Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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