It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
