You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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