I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
