i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
