6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
