Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
