Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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