Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
