Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
