i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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