Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
