i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
