There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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