she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
