Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
