Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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