Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
