the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
