I will die if light touches me.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
