Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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