I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I pour the whiskey from now on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
