This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
