Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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