fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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