my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
