I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
