One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
