addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So much rum. So many feels.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
