I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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