I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
handjob tips. give me some.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
