If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
