dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
