we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
