I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
