I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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