walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Liz is crying about burritos again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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