too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
