we're chasing vodka with high fives
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
