somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
