Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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