Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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