her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
