Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
