why didn't you poke me back
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
