Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
