well I can't set my house on fire every night
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
