I puked a lego.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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