how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
