I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He passed out mid-signature
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
