we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
