I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
