pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
