I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
