look no pants
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i think my cat just said my name.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
